And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
