Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
