I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
