On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
