The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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