i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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