; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
