What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
