He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
too bad you live with your parents still
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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