He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
