The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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