i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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