I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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