so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
