new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
