Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
