Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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