i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
