dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
