I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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