You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
