"it" just moved
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
