he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Another day, another engagement, another cat
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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