Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
