hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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