I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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