Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
