Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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