Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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