Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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