Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
