I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
