i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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