just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
