I'm jealous of your bromance
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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