I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
