how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
