it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
