So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
