My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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