Your dad touched me again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
