Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
