foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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