what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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