I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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