If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
