All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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