Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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