He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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