he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
