Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
