The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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