the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
