i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
