dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
