Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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