He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
