seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize