So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
