I am in a vortex of obligation.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
