I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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