Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
