Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
