Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
