did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I queefed so loud it echoed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Randomize
