Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
